Don’t panic, it happens. The main thing is to find out the cause and try to eliminate it.

You are in a relationship, but at one moment the sex disappeared somewhere, even though the partner is here, next to you. It’s cruel and unfair, but it happens. The main rule is to fantasize less, clarify more.

Make sense of the situation

Sometimes the temporary absence of sex is not a sudden difficulty, but a logical consequence of what is happening. For example, you just recently had a baby and now both are not up to sex, to improve sleep. Or are you both under a lot of stress .

If the amount of sex has decreased, and all the participants are not up to it now, nothing terrible happens. You just need to wait until this period ends. If the desire (at least you) is, but there is no sex, then we must admit: you have a problem and you need to deal with it.

talk

Often people themselves think something out, but do not talk with a partner. This is understandable: many couples feel uncomfortable talking about sex . But talking is power. It is he who helps to know for sure what the problem is.

Instead of saying “You don’t satisfy me” or “You are a bad lover” (accusation), share your condition with your partner: “I feel unsatisfied (s)”, “I want sex so much!” or more modestly: “I miss your caresses so much.” And add a sentence on what to do about it: “Let’s talk about it?”.

“Feel free to recall some dizzying sex from the past:“ Like then, remember. You just drove me crazy.” This will allow the partner to hear your need, feel needed and desired. The offer of dialogue will give him the opportunity to express himself. Building a further conversation, be guided by these rules, even if your partner behaves differently, ”advises the psychologist.

You can give your partner time to prepare and ask when it would be convenient for him to talk. If in response to the question “What is happening?” you hear only “Nothing” – it is not a conversation. You need to insist on a detailed answer. If your partner dodges in every possible way, explain that you are determined to talk and clarify everything, even if you have to overcome awkwardness.

It is also important to try to be as sincere and open as possible. Hiding and hiding is a failed strategy for such conversations.

Remember the basic rules for such conversations:

• Use I-statements.
• Talk about your feelings and experiences.
• Do not rush to conclusions.
• Be delicate.

The process of sharing emotions and worries can be healing in itself. The main thing is to start.

Don’t blame yourself

Sexual desire is flexible and mobile, it is influenced by different things: from the state of the hormonal background to the degree of load at work. And it’s not at all a fact that the reason is in you. Therefore, there is no need to look for the one who is to blame. We must decide what to do.

Find the reason

Sex education expert Emily Nagoski draws attention to the fact that a person’s sexual desire is controlled by the brain with the help of a simple “gas-brake” system.